Reasons for Divorce
How many reasons are there for divorce?
This question can be looked at in different ways. There are the divorce grounds as stated in the courts such as
- cruelty
- adultery
- irretrievable breakdown
- desertion
- lengthy prison sentence
- bigamy
However there are also the emotional reasons as to why 2 people feel they can no longer live together and so need to end their relationship in divorce.
Why do people choose to divorce?
When 2 people meet and there is a mutual attraction our biological built in responses kick in. We experience a chemical change and fall in love with the other person feeling that we just can’t live without them. As a result of this, we generally either end up marrying them or co-habiting with them. You cannot possibly know the other person before you live with them. After all how often do you surprise yourself and you’ve always been there? So after a time one of you starts to realise that the person they married is not who they thought they were and decides that they no longer want to live with someone who has become a stranger to them.
Is this always the reason?
In very broad terms yes. However as everyone is unique so is everyone’s story and reasons. When people are living apart they are
able to conceal certain parts of their character which are not so attractive to another person. But when they are living together these different aspects reveal themselves even if the other person has made a decision to keep these darker parts of him or herself secret as it is impossible to hide them all the time despite their intent.
Is getting married when you are very young a reason for a marriage to fail?
Not always. It depends on the circumstances and the people involved. When individuals who are very young get married they have not finished maturing and turning into the adult that they will become. As they grow older and evolve into the special individual that is them they sometimes find that they have grown away from their partner. This is because they are changing in different ways and no longer have the same common interests that they used to share. These differences then provide the divorce grounds.
What if I decide to stay?
The choice is always yours and you have to live with the consequences. You can however suffer with divorce effects without the divorce. Loneliness within a marriage or relationship is worse than the loneliness you feel when you are on your own. So you may still experience divorce depression, divorce grief and divorce emotions without the benefit of divorce support. It can be a very challenging time especially if you are not sharing your problems with anyone.
So are you saying that I have no future if I stay?
No thats not what I mean. If you decide to stay then you must commit yourself wholeheartedly to the relationship and go and get help if you need it either together or individually from counsellors and/or therapists. But it isn’t just about your relationship with your partner it’s also about the relationship which you have with yourself. I set out various strategies in my eBook 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain to help you to improve your life and these work just as effectively whether you are staying in your relationship or whether you are looking for divorce advice and divorce help.
What do you mean about the relationship with myself?
Whether you decide to stay with your husband or partner or leave, the one constant in your life is YOU. You are there for yourself 24/7 and much of the time you are not being very supportive. There is this nagging voice inside you who criticises you 
regularly and affects your self esteem and feelings of self worth. So because you cannot escape from yourself it makes sense to do whatever you can to improve your relationship with you. You can have as many reasons for divorce from yourself as you can from another person and I get to the real understanding of what you can do to help yourself in my eBook.
So actually the best thing that I can do to help my relationship is to look at myself?
Yes thats absolutely right. You cannot change your partner. You can look at divorce options, divorce statistics and ask yourself why divorce? But at the end of the line the only person you can change is yourself. The upshot of this is that by changing yourself you may make your relationship work or you might decide that it really is in your and your partner’s best interests to get help on divorce. But by this stage because of the work that you have been doing on yourself, you will survive and be able to move on to a great new life because you will have changed your attitude towards yourself and what you feel you deserve.
