Long term effects of divorce on children
Usually it is the whole process of divorce on children which affects them. It doesn’t generally just happen one day that you and your partner decide to divorce and then tell the kids immediately. There will have been obvious signs that things weren’t right between the two of you such as rows, tears, drinking, staying out late or maybe not coming home at all. Children, like animals, are very sensitive to atmosphere and so will have picked up that something is going on.
So the really painful time for the children is while we are still together?
A childs security is wrapped up in its relationship with its parents. When the cracks start to show and the relationship begins to crumble the child starts feeling very insecure. He can then become very introverted because he is hoping that if he’s very quiet he can’t make the situation worse by saying the wrong thing. One of the psychological effects of divorce on children is that they feel that they are to blame and that it is all their fault.
Is there anything we can do to make it easier for them?
Most couples find this very difficult to deal with as they are so wrapped up in their own emotions, their distress and grief that they are finding it hard enough to function themselves without considering how their behaviour is affecting anyone else, let alone their children. In the bonus eBook How to Lessen the Effects of Divorce on Children which I am giving away free with my eBook 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain I explain in detail how to make things easier for the children and get right down to the core of the matter. I show how to reduce the negative effect of divorce on children.
What about when we’ve separated and live in different places?
A childs main fear is what is going to happen to me when my parents really do stop living together, when the rows actually culminate in the definate action of one parent moving out. At that stage one of the children depending on their age, usually takes on an adult role – one child expressed it as the ‘end of his childhood’. If they’re not careful even though you are no longer all under the same roof they can still get dragged into the arguments and end up taking sides which in itself is very distresssing for the child concerned.
Unless they have been the victims of abuse, whether sexual, drug or alcohol related, at home in which case there can only be the positive effects of divorce on children, it is a very upsetting and unsettling time for them. They don’t quite know what’s going to happen to their family unit and find dealing with the divorce depression which pervades the house very difficult. They may become agressive or violent as they struggle to deal with the emotions that are welling up inside them and that they are trying to deal with.
But over a period of time the attitude of the children and divorce effects will lessen won’t they?
It should do but it depends on the parents attitude. Some parents have dragged it all on for so long through the courts blaming the other party and have beome so bitter and controlling that the divorce has taken over their lives and subsequently affected their children giving them a very distorted view of the way relationships work. It can also leave a child struggling with long term emotional issues. This and other important issues are discussed in detail in my eBook and I give you help and guidance to assist both yourself and your children whilst you journey through this emotional minefield.