Divorce advice for women
Is my relationship beyond repair?
This is a question that you need to ask yourself in the cold light of day – not when you’re feeling emotionally upset and unbalanced. If you’ve had too much to drink to numb your pain this will make you unstable and incapable of answering this question honestly. Also there is not a lot to be gained by relying on other people to answer this question for you as they may have their own agenda in that they don’t like your partner or that they never thought it would work out. If you choose to leave, it must be because of your reasons for divorce, not anyone elses.
Should I stay with him?
You have to be brutally honest with yourself when you answer this question. In fact the question that you should be asking is ‘Is it in my best interests to stay with him?’. It’s always so difficult to make decisions when you are in the middle of all the turmoil and hurt. When you are standing outside and being objective it is easy to say what that person should do but when its you its a different matter. This is your life and you have to deal with the consequences if you stay or the divorce emotions if you leave.
Will things change if I stay?
In your heart you know whether they will or not. The problem with us women is that when we marry someone we are so much in love that we overlook any little irritations or faults that we are aware of and think that we can change them anyway. But then as the euphoria wears off and these irritations become more obvious we then realise that actually we can’t change him. In fact the only person that we can change is ourselves. So thats one of the things you have to consider – he won’t change but can you change yourself so that the issues that are causing the problems are resolved? 
Is life without him more scary than staying with him?
A lot of women stay with their partners because they are fearful of the life that they will have on their own, especially if there are children involved. In many cases the children are the main reason that they stay. If however you know in your heart that everything about the relationship is wrong then you are better off leaving, spending some time on your own experiencing personal growth and creating the opportunity for the right relationship to come into your life.
But will I survive on my own?
Yes you will. I’m not saying that it will be easy for you but you will survive. Our survival instinct is older than time and especially if you have children to care for you will make sure that you ‘hang on in there’ for their sake. You will be surprised as well at all the help and support you will be offered by friends and family and even people that you haven’t yet met. It is the end of something but you have to have an end so that there can be a beginning. You will be given plenty of divorce help and divorce support and you will find plenty of advice on divorce for women in my eBook 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain.
Our children will be affected by my decision.
Of course they will because he is their father, or father figure, as you are their mother. For you, you are not just considering getting advice on divorce for women but you are also looking for divorce advice for mothers. If your divorce is handled with sensitivity and the emotions and needs of your children are taken into account then a child can be more content living in a happy, peaceful atmosphere with just one parent than in a bitter, argumentative home situation with both parents.
How can I make sure that the children aren’t emotionally scarred by this experience?
There are many different factors to take into account here such as your children’s age and gender. And of course the way that you and your partner treat them is of paramount importance. It will be a challenging time for you all because emotions will be running very high and you may suffer with divorce grief and divorce depression. However in my eBook How to Lessen the Effects of Divorce on Children I show you how to deal with this situation to cause as minimal amount of emotional upset to the children as possible.
If I leave will we all be able to move on with our lives?
Yes you will. It will take a bit of time as everyone adjusts to the new situation, the new home, the access arrangements but we, as human beings, are amazingly resilient, and it doesn’t take us too long to adapt to what is our new ‘norm’. Once some distance in time has been put between you leaving and today and emotions have calmed down, you may even find that you and your partner get on much better than when you were living together. There have also been some instances where the space caused by you leaving makes you both look at your relationship in a different light and even decide to give it another go.
Separation and divorce advice
Who can I talk to?
When your relationship is falling apart its often very difficult to get helpful impartial advice. As far as divorce definition is concerned, generally, your friends and family will support you and his friends and family will support him. They will tell you what they think you want to hear and will also possibly get caught up in the 3D world of the mind looking at everything through the eyes of fear and blame. It has to be someone’s fault so it must be the fault of the other party, not their daughter, son etc. However even though this is emotionally satisfying it’s not particularly helpful in allowing you to work through your feelings.
Will mutual friends be able to give me advice?
This can be challenging for you as well as for them. You need to question your motives in this situation. Are you wanting their advice on divorce or are you talking to them because
- of all the happy days you’ve spent together as 2 couples
- you’re hoping he might pop round to see them whilst you’re there
- you want to hear something about him
- you are hoping that they may be able to tell him what a mistake he’s made and make him see sense
- if he hears from them how unhappy you are he may ask for the opportunity for you to give your relationship another go
- you are hoping that they will tell him what a great time you are having and make him jealous even if you’re not
- you want to be told that he’s really missing you and that he’s made a mistake
These are really bad reasons for talking to them and they may find it difficult to remain friends with both of you.
Should I be selective in whom I turn to for advice? 
The short answer to this is yes! You need to be aware of other people’s agendas. You are at an all time low, you are vulnerable and therefore it would be easy for you to be taken advantage of. A stranger may appear to be concerned, attentive and supportive but he could just be considering his own interests and not yours. At a time like this it is very important that you don’t do anything which with hindsight you will regret and that will weigh you down even more heavily than before. If you need divorce care choose carefully who you approach.
Can I share my feelings with my really close friends and get advice from them?
Of course you can – thats what friends are for and you badly need divorce support. However its amazing how your break up can change your relationships with those around you. Its true what they say that you always find out who your real friends are when times get tough. The advice that you really need to receive is gentle, loving advice, not just blind support agreeing that your partner is totally in the wrong about everything. You need someone who is prepared to listen as you unburden yourself and say the same things over and over again to try and get things straight in your head.
Is getting professional advice a good idea?
Any separation and divorce advice that you can get is a great idea. And if its from someone who is impartial and not caught up in the whole emotion of the event it will be really beneficial. They may give you a divorce test to see whether divorce is right for you and what you really want. There are a whole range of people that you can go to for advice ranging from a solicitor who can explain your legal situation to a counsellor who can help you emotionally. There are also mind, body, and soul therapists, of which I am one, who can help you reach a deeper understanding of why this has happened.
What would you consider to be a good piece of advice to give to me?
My advice on divorce and separation is that I would suggest that you try and remain centred in your heartbreak and not behave in a way that when you become less emotional and more rational you will regret, as this can cause more harm than good. It is perfectly natural to feel grief because something has ended, something you thought would last for ever has been lost and just as when someone you love dies, you have to honour this process and be gentle with yourself. The most important, and possibly the most challenging issue however, is to forgive both your ex and yourself. I discuss this more in chapter 10 of 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain.
What about the children?
For the children this is a particularly difficult time. Their security and everything that they know in the form of their parents is crumbling and they will be feeling lost and out of their depth, in many instances blaming themselves for what has gone wrong. I write in detail about divorce and children, their feelings and the best way to handle the breakup in order to minimise the effect that it could have on them in my eBook How to Lessen the Effects of Divorce on Children. They look to their parents for all their knowledge and learning and if your breakup is not handled with care it could have far reaching effects on your children in adulthood.
Do you have any more separation and divorce advice?
Because I am an energy healer and work in a mind, body soul based way I look at a relationship breakup with rather a different approach from the mind based concept of failure because the relationship hasn’t worked. I see it as showing you something else which can change you in a positive way, be empowering and enable you to enjoy personal growth thereby changing your life for the better. I explain this in detail to you in my eBook setting out 3 easy steps for you to follow which enables you to move forward into a new space from the one you are currently in.
In 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain I take you step by step through the emotional process of divorce and relationship breakup and show you not only how to survive but how to end up in a much heathier and happier space than where you were before.