Top 9 ways to get over Divorce Heartache
Who am I?
Look in the mirror and really see the person looking back at you. They are a real live human being who are special and unique with a heart that is in pain at the moment but which is still capable of love. I bet it’s some time since you did that. So now you really need to reacquaint you with yourself and get to know yourself better just like you would a new friend. And that’s who you are – a genuine person who has temporarily forgotten that, because of all the divorce grief and divorce depression that they have been going through. So lets start making you feel better about yourself.
What can I do?
1. Every day do something nice for yourself – a walk, a bubble bath, read a book, watch a comedy programme. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you enjoy doing it and for a period of time you have forgotten about your reasons for divorce. Just totally immerse yourself in the experience of what you have chosen to do.
2. Buy yourself something new. It doesn’t matter whether its a dress (provided you can afford it) or some special soap as long as it
makes you feel special and forget the divorce effects that have been upsetting you.
3. When you looked in the mirror did you see anything that you wanted to change? How long have you had that hairdo and that colour? Maybe its time for a good cut and a change of look that is more flattering than the one you currently have. After all fashions change and new products come on the market. Spoil yourself and see what you think when you next look at yourself. I discuss all this in more detail in my eBook 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain.
What are the next 3 divorce tips?
4. Spend time with family and friends who love you and make you feel good about yourself. Tell them that you don’t want any divorce advice, you just want some time to chill and feel special because of what you mean to them.
5. Boost your energy levels by getting fit. It can be walking, running or cycling every day. Or if you prefer you could join a gym, or go dancing. Swimming or maybe yoga or pilates could be more what you’d prefer doing. Again it doesn’t matter – just as long as you enjoy it. Exercise also increases your feel good factor so that in itself will help you say goodbye to your need for divorce support.
6. Smile whether you feel like it or not and enjoy the smiles you get in return in all age ranges from children to old people. Not only will it make you feel better and help you forget about your divorce depression, but it will improve their day.
And the final 3 divorce tips?
7. Concentrate on the good things that you have in your life and do not focus on what you haven’t got. What you concentrate on in your life is what you create more of so if you focus on lack that’s what you attract but if you focus on plenty then that is what you will attract. However difficult your life might appear to be to you you can always find something to be grateful for.
8. Keep saying ‘I love my life’ even if you don’t mean it because eventually you will and the more you say it the quicker your mind believes it and it happens. At that stage you won’t need to ask the question ‘why divorce?’ again.
9. Look in the mirror and see the way that you are changing as a result of having done the previous 8 tips. And in seeing the difference starting to take place in your eyes and face it will give you the confidence and strength to continue and help you know how to recover from divorce.
And finally?
Remember who you were and enjoy getting to know yourself all over again. To help you do this I set it all out in far greater depth with further advice and guidance in my eBook 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain.
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Separation and divorce advice
Who can I talk to?
When your relationship is falling apart its often very difficult to get helpful impartial advice. As far as divorce definition is concerned, generally, your friends and family will support you and his friends and family will support him. They will tell you what they think you want to hear and will also possibly get caught up in the 3D world of the mind looking at everything through the eyes of fear and blame. It has to be someone’s fault so it must be the fault of the other party, not their daughter, son etc. However even though this is emotionally satisfying it’s not particularly helpful in allowing you to work through your feelings.
Will mutual friends be able to give me advice?
This can be challenging for you as well as for them. You need to question your motives in this situation. Are you wanting their advice on divorce or are you talking to them because
- of all the happy days you’ve spent together as 2 couples
- you’re hoping he might pop round to see them whilst you’re there
- you want to hear something about him
- you are hoping that they may be able to tell him what a mistake he’s made and make him see sense
- if he hears from them how unhappy you are he may ask for the opportunity for you to give your relationship another go
- you are hoping that they will tell him what a great time you are having and make him jealous even if you’re not
- you want to be told that he’s really missing you and that he’s made a mistake
These are really bad reasons for talking to them and they may find it difficult to remain friends with both of you.
Should I be selective in whom I turn to for advice? 
The short answer to this is yes! You need to be aware of other people’s agendas. You are at an all time low, you are vulnerable and therefore it would be easy for you to be taken advantage of. A stranger may appear to be concerned, attentive and supportive but he could just be considering his own interests and not yours. At a time like this it is very important that you don’t do anything which with hindsight you will regret and that will weigh you down even more heavily than before. If you need divorce care choose carefully who you approach.
Can I share my feelings with my really close friends and get advice from them?
Of course you can – thats what friends are for and you badly need divorce support. However its amazing how your break up can change your relationships with those around you. Its true what they say that you always find out who your real friends are when times get tough. The advice that you really need to receive is gentle, loving advice, not just blind support agreeing that your partner is totally in the wrong about everything. You need someone who is prepared to listen as you unburden yourself and say the same things over and over again to try and get things straight in your head.
Is getting professional advice a good idea?
Any separation and divorce advice that you can get is a great idea. And if its from someone who is impartial and not caught up in the whole emotion of the event it will be really beneficial. They may give you a divorce test to see whether divorce is right for you and what you really want. There are a whole range of people that you can go to for advice ranging from a solicitor who can explain your legal situation to a counsellor who can help you emotionally. There are also mind, body, and soul therapists, of which I am one, who can help you reach a deeper understanding of why this has happened.
What would you consider to be a good piece of advice to give to me?
My advice on divorce and separation is that I would suggest that you try and remain centred in your heartbreak and not behave in a way that when you become less emotional and more rational you will regret, as this can cause more harm than good. It is perfectly natural to feel grief because something has ended, something you thought would last for ever has been lost and just as when someone you love dies, you have to honour this process and be gentle with yourself. The most important, and possibly the most challenging issue however, is to forgive both your ex and yourself. I discuss this more in chapter 10 of 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain.
What about the children?
For the children this is a particularly difficult time. Their security and everything that they know in the form of their parents is crumbling and they will be feeling lost and out of their depth, in many instances blaming themselves for what has gone wrong. I write in detail about divorce and children, their feelings and the best way to handle the breakup in order to minimise the effect that it could have on them in my eBook How to Lessen the Effects of Divorce on Children. They look to their parents for all their knowledge and learning and if your breakup is not handled with care it could have far reaching effects on your children in adulthood.
Do you have any more separation and divorce advice?
Because I am an energy healer and work in a mind, body soul based way I look at a relationship breakup with rather a different approach from the mind based concept of failure because the relationship hasn’t worked. I see it as showing you something else which can change you in a positive way, be empowering and enable you to enjoy personal growth thereby changing your life for the better. I explain this in detail to you in my eBook setting out 3 easy steps for you to follow which enables you to move forward into a new space from the one you are currently in.
In 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain I take you step by step through the emotional process of divorce and relationship breakup and show you not only how to survive but how to end up in a much heathier and happier space than where you were before.
Divorce Emotions
How are you feeling?
‘How do you think I’m feeling? My marriage or relationship has broken down and I’m devastated’, I can hear you say. Strangely enough even if you are the one that ended the relationship you will still be feeling very odd about it all. You would have been expecting to be feeling quite relieved and maybe even happy because you had finally spoken your feelings and moved out or asked your spouse/partner to leave but to your surprise you are upset. Even to the extent of asking yourself why divorce? Is it really what you want? You have temporarily forgotten all the reasons why you chose to end the relationship!
Why do we have emotions?
They seem to always be getting in the way. We appear to be ruled by our emotions and there are times when they completely
take us over and we behave most irrationally. When we are happy the world is a wonderful place even if its cold and raining. But if we are unhappy the world is grey, cold and unfriendly even if the sun is out and it’s a hot summers day. And now just when you think you can start all over again you find you are suffering with divorce grief and wondering what your divorce options are.
What would our lives be like without emotions?
It would be a much quieter place but it would be very dull. It’s our emotions that inspire us and make us connect to beautiful things such as art, nature, music and other people. If there were no emotions we wouldn’t get hurt but we’d miss out on all the joy, fun, laughter and love too. However when we are talking about divorce emotions and the pain we are suffering at that time we would prefer to have no emotions at all. We would prefer to just deal with the divorce facts and nothing else – not go through the feelings as to what causes divorce.
What steps should we take to deal with our divorce emotions?
There are many different ways that people deal with their divorce. Some become very quiet about it and prefer not to discuss it hoping that it will all go away, wishing that maybe it’s all in their imagination. They also don’t want people’s sympathy because it makes them feel like such a failure. Others however decide to throw a party and celebrate the beginning of their new life whether or not it’s what they wanted. They buy themselves divorce gifts as a divorce aid and a substitution for a relationship.
What benefit are your emotions to you when you are going through this challenging time?
If you haven’t instigated the break up its like a death – the loss feels the same. And your emotions react in the same way to protect you. Initially you go numb. You don’t feel a thing. Then when that wears off the other emotions pour in. The anger, the blame, the grief, the self recrimination and eventually the acceptance. You may find it helpful to keep a divorce journal – a bit like a diary but specifically to write in everything about your divorce, your feelings, whats happening to you and any divorce tips that you think would be good to keep a note of.
Will there ever come a time when I look back on this experience without feeling such emotional agony?
Yes there will do. There are certain things that you can do to alleviate what has happened to you and to help you understand why this situation arose in the first place. In fact I would go so far as to say that someday you will look back on now and see this divorce as a divorce gift, something that needed to happen to improve the quality of your life. No I’m not being callous. I’m just wanting to help you look at what is happening to you in a different way by showing you the positive effects of divorce and supporting you whether or not it was your decision to leave.
So why should I look at this awful experience as a divorce gift?
Because I can show you a completely different way of looking at your relationship breakdown. I can share with you an explanation as to what is happening to you and why, which will bring you some understanding and comfort. It will also help you on your journey of personal growth and development. I introduce you to 3 steps to help you resolve your divorce depression and move forward and a further 3 steps to help you with your divorce and children during the whole procedure. Ultimately you will look at everything that you are going through as a gift however hard you find it to accept at this present time.
I can show you in detail in my e Book 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain how to move beyond the pain and fear of this moment and into a much happier future. I can guide you and help you to end up in the same situation as myself, my friends and my clients who have all walked this pathway.
Divorce Depression
Why did my relationship end so disastrously?
- You thought it had all been going so well.
- You hadn’t seen it coming.
- It was totally unexpected.
- There had been no warning
So what do you do now? You are suffering from divorce depression. You don’t want to go anywhere. You don’t want to speak to anyone unless it’s about him. You can’t sleep and you can’t imagine how you will get through this. You need divorce help.
How can anyone give me any divorce help?
- No one else has ever gone through anything like this
- Others have had divorces and relationship break ups but mine is much worse
- I can’t cope and neither can my children
- I have no future without him
- I’ve lost all feeling
I will never be able to accept any divorce advice because I will never understand any reasons for divorce. I refuse to become just a faceless number included in the divorce rate.
Is this the end of my world?
You may feel that this is the end of the world and you are all alone but I assure you that this isn’t the case. By looking at the divorce statistics you can see that many have travelled this road before you and many will travel it afterwards. I know though that this isn’t any help to you at the present moment because when you are going through it you can’t imagine that anyone else could have felt so bad.
Why do I keep repeating relationship disasters?
Everytime you go into a relationship you think it will be different. You were so full of hope and enthusiam this time but it still went wrong. When you extricate yourself from this you will be too scared for some time to have another relationship in case it goes wrong again. Alternatively you may leap straight into another relationship because you don’t know what else to do. You need some divorce care and divorce advice for women. My divorce guidance to you is that you need to love yourself and put yourself and your children first, before any current or potential partner.
I am so unhappy I don’t know what to do to make myself feel better.
You are aching with divorce grief. Its perfectly natural to feel like this. Don’t give yourself a hard time – just be gentle with yourself. After all you’ve put a lot of time and effort into this relationship and now its over. Its a bit like putting some money in a saving account every week for years planning a dream holiday or some other luxury and then one day you get a letter from the bank telling you that you have lost your money – it’s all gone without a trace. And this is a much bigger loss, you’ve invested much more in this. No wonder you are suffering from divorce depression.
Where can I go for divorce aid?
You’re hurting so much you don’t know who to turn to and in the midst of all this you’re still meant to go on functioning. You still have to
- go to work
- do the shopping
- look after the kids
- cook the meals
- try to carry on as normal
How difficult is this when you find just getting up and getting dressed is a challenge? At least if you have children then they give you a reason for getting up and coming home. There isn’t the emptiness you get if you are on your own. But the downside is it doesn’t give you the opportunity to be on your own and release your divorce grief.
Am I really so difficult to love? 
This is the million dollar question and it’s one which will keep playing through your mind as you lie there trying to get to sleep. I must be because otherwise he would still be here. Well the good news is that NO you are not difficult to love and when your divorce grief and divorce depression have played themselves out you will realise this. However if you don’t love yourself then you are not setting the right standard for someone else to love you fully.
What I really need is a divorce guide
It would be really helpful if there was a divorce guide that set out everything you needed to know both legally and emotionally. My eBook 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain doesn’t cover the legal side of divorce and relationship breakups but it does look at it from a mind, body, and soul perspective. It explains why things have happened to you and what you can do to make changes. In other words it takes you on a journey of personal growth which will ensure that you do not go back into a repeat situation. It also teaches you how to love yourself.
How to recover from divorce
Is it possible to achieve Divorce Recovery?
How are you feeling now?
Are you feeling:
- numb
- devastated
- traumatised
- empty
- lost
When I was going through my relationship break up I felt all these things. So many friends were coming to me for advice about their relationship issues. And then I had clients coming to see me about their relationship problems too. It made me stop and think about what was actually happening and whether it was possible to recover from divorce or a relationship breakdown.
Have you been stuck in this same place for sometime?
I noticed that there were certain similarities in all these situations. I knew that for me even though my social and business life had always gone well relationships were my biggest challenge. I couldn’t understand why even relationships which had started with such promise ended is such a dismal way. I had all these divorce questions and needed some divorce tips. There just had to be more to my life than all this personal pain and misery which in turn caused me to have a low self esteem and lack of confidence.
What has this relationship breakdown meant to you?
Do you feel as though it was all your fault and you will never be happy again? I know I blamed myself mulling over all the mistakes I thought I’d made and the wrong things I’d said. I even wondered if it was the clothes that I wore and how I behaved. I asked myself if there was there such a thing as divorce recovery? Perhaps you feel hatred towards your ex? I know after the shock and upset I did because it was a way of helping me cope – a safety device.
Will you ever recover from this divorce?
Feelings are so strong where relationships are concerned. My emotions were all over the place and I found it was so difficult to cope at work. Everywhere I looked there were happy couples but when I looked in the mirror there wasn’t a trace of happiness in my face. Would I ever be able to move on with my life and replace my divorce emotions with joyful ones? Does this sound familiar?
How to go about Divorce Recovery
I bet you want to recover from your divorce or relationship breakdown. I would imagine you want a whole new life where you are happy, fulfilled, full of fun and laughter. That’s how everyone I spoke to felt. So what could be stopping you – a four lettered word called FEAR? Fear that you may end up in a similar situation again where you feel as though life just isn’t worth living? You may even be asking Why divorce? But for you to have a new beginning there has to be an end to something that is no longer working.
Is there a future after Divorce or Relationship Breakdown?
There most certainly is and I have discovered the secret of divorce recovery. I suddenly realised what the similarities were with regard to mine and my friends and clients relationship breakups and the more I checked it out the more it confirmed my beliefs. As with all great revelations it is simple. If you want to know how to recover from divorce I share this secret with you in my e Book 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain.
Are you wondering how to recover from divorce or a relationship breakdown?
I can show you
- how special you are
- how you have limited your potential
- how you have restricted your capacity for love
- how unique you are
- how much more powerful you are than you realise
I will show you
- how to change the way you look at yourself
- how to grow as a result of this experience
- how you will see this as the beginning of your brilliant new life
- how to put your divorce recovery into action
For more information and to learn how to create the new you read my e Book 3 Easy Steps to End Divorce Pain where I set it all out in an easy format guiding you through the process so that you can have the wonderful life you deserve.